Sunday, March 25, 2007

"It ain't those parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me, it's the parts that I do understand." --Mark Twain, Americanwriter and humorist, 1835-1910
"The Bible has noble poetry in it ... and some good morals and awealth of obscenity, and upwards of a thousand lies." --Mark Twain,American writer and humorist, 1835-1910
"The Bible was written by the same people who said the Earth was flat." -- anonymous
"The Good Book" -- one of the most remarkable euphemisms ever coined. -- Ashley Montagu
"So far as I can remember, there is not one word in the Gospels in praise of intelligence." -- Bertrand Russell
"All this miserable tale of the Devil and Eve, and an intercessor with the childish mummeries of the God of the Jews, is irreconcileable with the knowledge of the stars." --Percy Bysshe Shelley, "The Necessity of Atheism"
"As a source of objective morality, the Bible is one of the worstbooks we have. It might have been the very worst, in fact -- if we didn't also happen to have the Koran." --Sam Harris, author of The End of Faith
"The Bible is the world's longest-running, most widely respected, and least reliable Rorschach Test. You can look in it and see anything you want to see, find anything you want to find, justify any pre-ordained conclusion you prefer--because the Bible has it all!" --Richard S. Russell
"Whenever we read the obscene stories, the voluptuous debaucheries,the cruel and torturous executions, the unrelenting vindictivenesswith which more than half the Bible is filled, it would be moreconsistent that we called it the work of a demon than the word of God.It is a history of wickedness that has served to corrupt and brutalisemankind; and for my part, I sincerely detest it as I detest everythingthat is cruel." --Thomas Paine
"All that is necessary, as it seems to me, to convince any reasonable person that the Bible is simply and purely of human invention is to read it. Read it as you would any other book; think of it as you would of any other; get the bandage of reverence from your eyes; drive from your heart the phantom of fear; push from the throne of your brain the cowled form of superstition -- then read the Holy Bible, and you will be amazed that you ever, for one moment, supposed a being of infinite wisdom, goodness, and purity to be the author of such ignorance and of such atrocity." --Robert G. Ingersoll

= = = = =Answers Given On A Bible Knowledge Test
Noah's wife was Joan of Ark.
Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day and a ball of fire by night.
Moses went to the top of Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments.The seventh commandment is "thou shalt not admit adultery."
Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol.Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.
The people who followed Jesus were called Decibels.
The espistles were the wives of the apostles.
One of the opossums was St. Matthew.
Salome danced in seven veils in front of King Herrod.
Paul preached acrimony, which is another name for marriage.
David fought the Finkelsteins, which a race of people who lived in Bibletimes.
The Jews had trouble throughout their history with unsympathic Genitals.
A Christian should have only one wife, this is called monotony.

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