Sunday, June 29, 2008
George Carlin's Views on Aging
Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions. 'How old are you?' 'I'm four and a half!' You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on five! That's the key. You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead. 'How old are you?' 'I'm gonna be 16!' You could be 13, but hey, you're gonna be 16! And then the greatest day of your life ! You become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony. YOU BECOME 21. YESSSS!!! But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're Just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed? You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the brakes, it's all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50 and your dreams are gone.But! wait!! ! You MAKE it to 60. You didn't think you would! So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and make it to 60.You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday! You get into ! your 80's and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime. And it doesn't end there. Into the 90s, you start going backwards; 'I Was JUST 92.'Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. 'I'm 100 and a half!' May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!! HOW TO STAY YOUNG 1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay 'them.' 2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.3.Keep learning. ! Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever, even ham radio. Never let the brain idle. 'An idle mind is the devil's workshop.' And the devil's family name is Alzheimer's. 4. Enjoy the simple things. 5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person, who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive. 7. Surround yourself with what you love , whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever.Your home is your refuge.8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help. 9. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county; to a foreign country but NOT to where the guilt is.10. Tell the people you love that you love them , at every opportunity. AND ALWAYS REMEMBER :Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting '...holy sh*t ...what a ride!'
Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions. 'How old are you?' 'I'm four and a half!' You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on five! That's the key. You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead. 'How old are you?' 'I'm gonna be 16!' You could be 13, but hey, you're gonna be 16! And then the greatest day of your life ! You become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony. YOU BECOME 21. YESSSS!!! But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're Just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed? You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the brakes, it's all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50 and your dreams are gone.But! wait!! ! You MAKE it to 60. You didn't think you would! So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and make it to 60.You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday! You get into ! your 80's and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime. And it doesn't end there. Into the 90s, you start going backwards; 'I Was JUST 92.'Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. 'I'm 100 and a half!' May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!! HOW TO STAY YOUNG 1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay 'them.' 2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.3.Keep learning. ! Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever, even ham radio. Never let the brain idle. 'An idle mind is the devil's workshop.' And the devil's family name is Alzheimer's. 4. Enjoy the simple things. 5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person, who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive. 7. Surround yourself with what you love , whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever.Your home is your refuge.8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help. 9. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county; to a foreign country but NOT to where the guilt is.10. Tell the people you love that you love them , at every opportunity. AND ALWAYS REMEMBER :Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting '...holy sh*t ...what a ride!'
Monday, June 23, 2008
Some of George Carlins best lines:
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.
The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I accept.
The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.
Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience members all punch and kick one another.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.
The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I accept.
The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.
Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience members all punch and kick one another.
Sunday, June 22, 2008
"Of The Terrible Doubt Of Appearances"by Walt Whitman
Of the terrible doubt of appearances,Of the uncertainty after all, that we may be deluded,That may-be reliance and hope are but speculations after all,That may-be identity beyond the grave is a beautiful fable only,May-be the things I perceive, the animals, plants, men, hills,shining and flowing waters,The skies of day and night, colors, densities, forms, may-bethese are (as doubtless they are) only apparitions, andthe real something has yet to be known,(How often they dart out of themselves as if to confound me and mock me!How often I think neither I know, nor any man knows,aught of them,)May-be seeming to me what they are (as doubtless they indeed but seem) as from my present point of view, andmight prove (as of course they would) nought of whatthey appear, or nought anyhow, from entirely changedpoints of view;To me these and the like of these are curiously answer'd bymy lovers, my dear friends,When he whom I love travels with me or sits a long whileholding me by the hand,When the subtle air, the impalpable, the sense that words and reason hold not, surround us and pervade us,Then I am charged with untold and untellable wisdom, I amsilent, I require nothing further,I cannot answer the question of appearances or that ofidentity beyond the grave,But I walk or sit indifferent, I am satisfied,He ahold of my hand has completely satisfied me. "
Monday, June 09, 2008
http://www.ocala.com/article/20080607/LIVING02/963582160
I am thankful for this group. A man and his wife that I met in my work as a chaplain, affected me profoundly. I discovered a philosophy of life that was new to me. I have been honored to be a speaker over the years and at other fellowships in Central FL.Congratulations on a dream achieved and more dreams to be realized.
I am thankful for this group. A man and his wife that I met in my work as a chaplain, affected me profoundly. I discovered a philosophy of life that was new to me. I have been honored to be a speaker over the years and at other fellowships in Central FL.Congratulations on a dream achieved and more dreams to be realized.
Monday, June 02, 2008
The day I see a leaf is a marvel of a day. ~Kenneth Patton
